Victory for British Scouts

Final installament of the story about Scout heroics at the Siege of Mafeking.

The British army, led by an adult wearing Jamaican dreadlocks (Jamaica is also a British colony) counterattacks with a vengeance. Mr. Deadlocks empties 25 lbs of flour on the heads of the invaders before getting to the tub of water balloons, where he begins frenetically chucking them at everyone in the area. The Boers, confused by the vision of an adult in dreadlocks going postal on the little Scouts, become confused and lose their cohesion. The other adults and older Scouts from both armies, now inspired, rush into the fight. Mayhem ensues as flour fills the air, creating a weird white fog through which soldiers can be seen sloshing around in the mud, trying to maintain their footing. When the horn ends round two, every man left on the battlefield is covered with flour, mud, or worse.

Soldier in dreadlocks gets ready to attack the little Scouts

Both armies trudge back to their sides of the field to regroup. Tired and doughy, the armies fill their super soakers and water buckets. Water balloons are counted, but there is no time to fill any more. The catapults are beyond repair and are moved to the sides. Queen Victoria, her dress torn and covered in mud, her crown lost during the melee, is too tired to prance. Only Teddy Roosevelt remains unscathed. He marches back and forth, puffing on his fake cigar, admonishing both sides to buck up and get ready again.

The air horn signals the last round of battle, but instead of moving towards each other, both sides turn unexpectedly on Teddy Roosevelt. Realizing the danger, he darts to his left still blowing the air horn while trying to find cover in the trees. Unfortunately, he is too slow and too late. Both armies catch up to him by the picnic tables and unleash their full fury. Gallons of water are poured on his head by the older boys and his torso is sprayed by a dozen water guns. The adults let loose with what’s left of the water balloons. Luckily, the flour has run out or Teddy Roosevelt would have left the battlefield looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Baden Powell Claims Victory Over the Boers

Walking back into the middle of the battlefield, soaking wet and puffing on a soggy cigar that no longer emits fake smoke, Teddy Roosevelt blows the air horn one last time. Thanks to the inspired leadership of Colonel Baden-Powell, the lunacy of a boy in a dress, and the fury of a crazy man in dreadlocks, the British army is declared victorious. They have protected their Queen, their flag, and their honor. In the aftermath of the crazy battle, however, both sides are considered worthy.

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